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Weekday Afternoon Live/Transcript

Act One

(The title card is shown, which shows a video camera filming Buster, who is standing under a spotlight. The video camera obscures the view of his head, which is shown on the video camera's screen. The screen fades to black, then to the next scene, where Babs Bunny is in her dressing room, tying one of her ribbons onto her ear. The camera moves over to the door as Buster opens it)

Buster: "Babsy, I've got a new joke!"

(The camera cuts to Babs)

Babs: "Let's hear it!"

(The camera cuts back to Buster)

Buster: "How does a dumb bunny answer a question?"

(The camera cuts back to Babs and zooms out to a view of Buster's backside)

Babs: "I don't know."

Buster: "Right! Ha! Get it?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs, who is not amused by Buster's joke)

Babs (sarcastically): "Brilliant. Very mature."

(The camera cuts back to Buster)

Buster: "So, uh, should I use it for the opening?"

(Babs hops in next to Buster)

Babs: "I thought I was doing the opening!"

Buster: "No, no, no, I'm doing the opening."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Buster and Babs, then to a further zoomed-in view as the two bunnies literally meet face-to-face)

Babs: "No, I am!"

Buster: "No, I am!"

(The camera zooms in on the two bunnies as Babs' pupil kicks Buster's. It then cuts to a view of the stairs near the audience's seat as the two bunnies angrily walk down it, bumping into each other.)

Director: "Places, places, please for the opening!"

Buster: "Excuse me!"

Babs: "Pardon me!"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view as Buster and Babs literally hop onstage)

Buster: "Got an opening to do!"

Babs: "Parodon Moi."

(The camera cuts to a side view of Babs and Buster as Buster grabs Babs' dress to stop her)

Buster: "Let's be fair."

(Buster reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a coin)

Buster: "Heads or tails?"

Babs: "Tails."

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of the two Bunnies as Buster flips the coin into the air. It then zooms out as the coin lands on a beam)

Buster: "Oh, great."

(Buster rushes off. The camera cuts to a view of the coin as Buster brings a ladder to the beam and climbs up it. When he reaches the top, he loses his balance as he picks up the coin)

Buster: "Yes, It's heads! I get to do the open-i-i-i-i-ing!"

(Buster falls over. The camera cuts to various views of him as he falls into a trash can, rolls into a glass case with a fire hose, gets tangled in the hose, falls out the window, stopping a few inches before hitting the pavement, gets launched up by the hose, hits the bottom of a space shuttle, falls through the building, and lands onstage. The audience laughs as he picks himself up)

Buster: "Live, from Acme Acres, it's Weekday Afternoon!"

(Buster faints as the audience claps and cheers. The screen transitions to a drawing of Acme Acres, which the camera zooms out on. The screen, then transitions to a drawing of the outside of Acme Looniversity, which the camera zooms in on, then to another drawing of the outside of Acme Loo as the camera moves over to a statue of Elmer Fudd. The screen then transitions to a drawing of a TV store window and zooms in on a single TV. Static appears on the TVs, until the one the camera zooms on has the Weekday Afternoon logo on it.)

Announcer: "It's Weekday Afternoon Live!"

(The screen transitions to a colored picture of Shirley the Loon as Rowe Shirley and Plucky Duck as Plucky Ducksterdam from the episode, Here's Hamton, and the camera zooms out on it. The screen then transitions to a drawing of the two cops from the Here's Hamton episode segment, America's Least Wanted and the camera zooms in on it. More drawings are shown, including some of the scene in How I Spent My Vacation, where Plucky tries to conceal a carsick Hamton, and the scene in the Test Stress episode segment, To Bleep or Not to Bleep, where Fowlmouth pets a Bulldog and the Bulldog bites his hand. The screen then transitions to Babs Bunny in a blue dress, drinking a milkshake with two straws)

Announcer: "Starring, Babs Bunny!"

(Babs waves to the viewers as the text, BABS BUNNY appears onscreen. Buster pokes his head out from the second straw. The text, BUSTER BUNNY appears onscreen)

Announcer: "Buster Bunny!"

Buster and Babs: "No relation!"

(The camera cuts to a drawing of Plucky pointing his joystick at a billboard on a building. The words, PLUCKY DUCK appear on the billboard and Plucky smiles in the next drawing)

Announcer: "Plucky Duck!"

(The camera cuts to various drawings of Elmyra setting a bear trap and inevitably getting herself caught in it)

Announcer: "Elmyra!"

(The camera cuts to a drawing of Hamton sitting at a table, dressed in sunglasses, holding a ham that is also dressed in sunglasses. In the next drawing, Hamton lowers his sunglasses)

Announcer: "Hamton J. Pig!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Montana Max playing the electric guitar. On the left side of the screen is Calamity playing an electric piano and on the right is Dizzy playing the drums)

Announcer: "And featuring, Montana Max and the Weekday Afternoon Live band!"

Monty: "Look at me! Look at me!"

(The screen transitions to stock images of Fifi La Fume, Fowlmouth, and Little Beeper, respectively)

Announcer: "Also featuring, some other people that might not even appear on the show at all!"

(The screen fades to black, then to an overhead view of the stage)

Announcer: "And here's tonight's guest star, Blard Simpleton!"

(The camera cuts to a normal view of the stage as Blard enters. The audience cheers, and he takes a bow)

Blard: "Thanks, Man. I'm Blard Simpleton. You know, I was nervous about doing this show, but hey, I've been working in cartoons all my life, so, what's the big deal?"

(Babs walks onstage)

Babs: "Wait a minute, Blard. This isn't like your show."

Blard: "No? It isn't?"

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of the stage as an anvil appears above Babs and Blard)

Babs: "Well, for example, could this happen on your show?"

(The camera cuts to a normal view of the stage as the anvil falls on Blard, flattening him)

Blard: "No."

Babs: "Or how about this?"

(Babs pulls up the background of the stage, revealing the background of another planet. An alien walks up to Blard, scares him, and eats him. Babs walks offstage, then the alien turns green and explodes, releasing Blard from its stomach. Babs walks back up to Blard)

Babs: "See?"

Blard: "You're right, Man. This is a little different. Uh, is it too late for me to back out?"

Babs: "Yes."

(The audience laughs)

Blard: "Oh. Stick around for a great show, I hope!"

(A safe falls on Blard)

Blard: "This guest host monologue stinks!"

Babs: "It's supposed to. It's a tradition on this show."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out side view of the stage as the audience laughs and applauds. The screen fades to black)

Cheese E. Sneezer's Commercial

(The sketch begins with a view of Plucky, Hamton, and Buster sitting on an apartment building stoop with bored expressions on their faces. The camera cuts to a view of Plucky)

Plucky: "I'm bored."

(The camera cuts to a view of Hamton)

Hamton: "I'm hungry."

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster)

Buster: "There's nothing to do."

(A tiny bubble floats up to Buster. Buster looks at the bubble in surprise as it floats away. The camera cuts to a view of Hamton as the bubble floats past him and he looks at it in surprise, then to a view of Plucky as the bubble floats around him and he looks at it as it floats down to the ground. The camera then cuts to an opposing view of the bottom of the stoop as the bubble pops, revealing Li'l Sneezer dressed like Chuck E. Cheese. Buster, Plucky, and Hamton all look at Sneezer, the camera cuts to a view of their surprised faces, then to a view of Sneezer, who giggles)

Sneezer: "Come on, kids! Let's go to Cheese E. Sneezer's!"

(Sneezer swings his cane, forming a portal. He floats into the portal, and Buster, Plucky, and Hamton run after him, cheering. The screen transitions to a view outside the Cheese E. Sneezer's restaurant/arcade, and the camera zooms out as the portal appears over the sun and spits out Buster, Plucky, and Hamton. The camera then cuts to a view of Buster, Plucky, and Hamton as they look to the left side of the screen, then to a view outside the restaurant as they go inside. It then cuts to an overhead view inside the restaurant as Sneezer floats over them and they go to different locations, followed by a view of a table with a pizza on it as Hamton runs to the stool and sits down on it)

Singers: "At Cheese E. Sneezer's, I can eat a snack,"

(Hamton sniffs the pizza, and as he takes a bite out of it, his face turns red and his eyes pop out of his head and his head shoots flames. The camera cuts to Buster, who is at a basketball hoop game, but facing the opposite direction)

Singers: "Shoot some hoops,"

(Buster tosses the ball in and makes a basket, but the ball rolls into him and knocks him over. The camera cuts to a view of Plucky, who is playing a Desert Scam arcade machine)

Singers: "Have a game attack,"

(A missile from the arcade machine flies off the screen and hits Plucky in the face, exploding as it does. The camera cuts to an overhead view of Furrball playing the Whack Sneezer game, trying unsuccessfully to hit Sneezer with a mallet)

Singers: "There's loads of happy things to do, and Sneezer brings them all to you!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of the game as Furrball continues to miss Sneezer, then to an opposing view as Sneezer floats up behind Furrball and hits him on the head with a mallet. The camera then cuts to a view of Buster, Plucky, and Hamton sitting at a table as Sneezer brings them fresh hot pizza)

Sneezer: "Mmmm, mmmm! Fresh hot pizza, coming up!"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view as Sneezer inhales the pizza's steam)

Sneezer: "Aaah, aaah, aaah... CHOO!"

(The force of Sneezer's sneeze blows the pizza away. The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Plucky, and Hamton as the pizza lands on Plucky's face. Plucky screams in pain as Sneezer floats up to him)

Singers: "Cheese E. Sneezer's, where the pizza's scalding hot!"

(Sneezer turns to face the camera and the screen irises out on him)

Another Moment In Amercian History

(The sketch begins outside a tent, near a cannon and a stack pile of rifles, in a scene depicting the Civil War. This scene is in black and white, and the text, APPOMATTOX COURTHOUSE, APRIL 9, 1865 appears onscreen. The camera zooms in on the tent)

Announcer: "And now, Another Moment In American History!, the end of the Civil War!"

(The camera cuts to an overhead view inside the tent. This scene is in color. Babs is standing at a table, dressed as "Sergeant At-Arms." Buster walks in, dressed as "General Grant")

Buster: "Good morning, Sergeant At-arms!"

(The audience applauds. Buster walks towards the table)

Babs: "General Grant! The Grant-Man! Grant-ster!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster)

Buster: "Are we ready to begin?"

(Babs walks in, holding a grandfather clock. The audience laughs)

Babs: "Still waiting on General Lee! Lee-bo! La-la-pa-loser-Lee-ski!

(The camera cuts to a view of Blard, dressed as General Lee, as he walks into the tent)

Blard: "Good morning, General Grant!"

(The camera zooms out)

Babs: "It's the Lee-ola! Lee-Meister-looney-o-rama!"

(The audience laughs)

Buster: "Shall we sign the Documents of Surrender?"

(The camera cuts to a side view of Blard as Babs runs up to him, focusing on them both as she pushes him to the table)

Babs: "Let's do it, Grant-Man! Grant-a-gogo! Lincoln's-Lucky-Lad-in-the-Land-of-Cotton-a-Rooney!"

(The audience laughs)

Babs: "Youre up-ski, meester, Pixie-doodle-in-the-dumper Lee-Man!"

(The audience continues laughing)

Babs: "Pin your name and end the game, General Lee-speak-a-nacity! Mr. Lee Press-on-nails meister!"

(The audience continues laughing. The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs and Blard as Babs pokes Blard's shoulder)

Babs (whispering): "It's your line, Blard."

Blard: "Just relax, Man! I can't read the cue card!"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view, revealing Calamity holding a cue card that says, LEARN YOUR LINES!. It zooms on him when he realizes he's holding the wrong cue card, and nervously tosses the others aside until he finds the correct one that says, THE PEN PLEASE!. The audience laughs as he does this, and the camera cuts back to Buster, Babs, and Blard)

Blard: "The pen, please!"

(Buster hands Blard the feather pen)

Babs (as Blard is signing): "Ooh, sore loser surrender-on-a-bender Lee-bye!"

(The audience laughs. The camera cuts to a view of Blard and Buster)

Blard: "Stop it! General Grant?"

(The camera cuts back to the previous view)

Babs: "Ooh, moment of truth for the Grant Man! Granthology! Mr. Victor Victoria Smiling-under-the-beard Yankee Doodle Grant-me-a-wishbone-arooni-ocity Spielorama!"

(The audience laughs. The camera cuts to a view of Buster and Blard shaking hands)

Buster: "There. It is done!"

(Babs appears)

Babs: "Hold on there, Generals a-gogo!"

(Babs picks up a book, revealing that is what they signed)

Babs: "Now that you've signed my autograph book, don't you want to sign the Surrender Document?"

(The audience laughs as Buster and Blard look down at the document they were supposed to sign with shocked looks on their faces. The audience cheers, then the camera cuts to a zoomed-out view)

Blard: "Is that the end of the sketch?"

Babs: "You should be thankful, Blard. This probably the only sketch in the show that doesn't end with a violent sight gag."

(The camera zooms out, and a Tugboat with a sign on it that says, WRONG lands on them. The camera cuts to a view of the audience as they laugh and applaud, moving from the left side of the screen to the right. A spotlight appears over the face of an overweight audience member with an orange shirt, glasses, and black hair. The text, LOVES VIOLENT CARTOONS appears under him, and when the spotlight fades, he pulls out a wooden mallet and hits the audience member next to him, who is overweight, has blonde hair, and wears a white shirt and green overalls. The screen fades to black, ending Act One)

Act Two

We're Going To Blow You Up

(The sketch begins with a bumper of Blard Simpleton standing under a falling arrow. The screen fades to black, then to a view of Monty playing the electric guitar. the camera then cuts to views of Calamity playing the electric piano and Dizzy playing the drums, then a zoomed-out view of all three of them playing their instruments together. The audience applauds as the camera moves over to Buster and Plucky, who are very muscular, and dressed like bodybuilders, who are lifting weights. The camera then cuts to a view of the two of them together)

Buster: "Hey, you girly people! I'm Sigmund!"

Plucky: "And I'm Helmund!"

Buster and Plucky: "And we're going to blow..." (clap) "You up!"

(The audience laughs as Buster and Plucky flex their muscles, getting bigger in the process. Hamton opens the door and walks in)

Buster: "Hey, girly pig!"

Plucky: "You are like a sow, Mr. Curly-tailed girly pig!"

(The audience laughs)

Hamton: "I am?"

Buster (as he pokes Hamton's belly): "Look at your flabby belly like a whale!"

Hamton: "Oof!"

(The audience laughs as the camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Hamton and Plucky. Plucky pulls Hamton's left arm)

Plucky: "And your flabby girly arms, so flabby!

Hamton: "Eee!"

(The audience continues laughing as the camera cuts to a view of a 100lb weight on an inflation machine and zooms out on it. Buster and Plucky walk up to the machine and Buster sits Hamton down on it while Plucky picks up the hose. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-in view of Hamton and the audience laughs as Plucky puts the hose over Hamton's mouth)

Plucky: "But don't worry,"

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster and Plucky together)

Buster: "Because we're going..."

Buster and Plucky: "To blow..." (clap) "You up!"

(The audience laughs as the camera cuts to a view of Hamton pumping the machine. The machine inflates him, and the camera cuts to a view of Buster as he flexes his left arm)

Buster: "See how our huge muscles are like mountains?"

(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky)

Plucky: "Making our heads look unusually small?"

(The audience continues laughing as the camera cuts back to Hamton, who continues inflating himself. He removes the hose from his mouth, and is now looking pretty muscular)

Hamton: "Hey! I do look pretty good."

(Plucky walks in and puts the hose back over Hamton's mouth)

Plucky: "We're not done yet!"

(The audience laughs as the camera cuts to a view of Buster and Plucky together)

Plucky: "Because we're going..."

Buster and Plucky: "To blow..." (clap) "You up!"

(The audience laughs as the camera cuts to a view of the machine as Buster and Plucky run to it and begin to inflate Hamton with it. It then cuts to a zoomed-out view, revealing an overinflated Hamton. The audience continues laughing, then the camera cuts to a view of Plucky as he pulls out a needle and pops Hamton with it. Hamton explodes, and when the explosion clears, Buster and Plucky can be seen together)

Buster and Plucky: "Girly pig!"

(The audience cheers and applauds as the camera cuts to a zoomed-out view and moves over to the theater stage, which will start up the next sketch, Samurai Film Critic)

Samurai Film Critic

(The sketch begins with a view of Hamton and Dizzy sitting in the seats of a movie theater. The text, SAMURAI FILM CRITIC appears on the screen)

Announcer: "And now, it's time for another installment of Samurai Film Critic!

(The camera cuts to a view of Hamton as he turns to face it)

Hamton: "Good evening, everyone. Welcome to tonight's show. I'm Roger Pigbert,"

(The camera cuts to a view of Dizzy, dressed like a samurai, as he turns to face it)

Dizzy: "Hey! And me be Dizzilkel."

(The camera focuses on Dizzy as he jumps into the air and slashes his sword)

Dizzy: "Kia!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the theater)

Hamton: "The first film we'll review tonight is Gnome Alone Again,"

(The title card for Gnome Alone Again appears on the screen)

Hamton: "About a brave little Gnome defending his tree against gypsy mobs. I loved it."

(The screen transitions to a clip from the movie, showing a gnome resembling Kevin McAllister screaming in a similar way as he exits his tree)

Dizzy: "Me hate! Me no want to see horrible Gore child scream again!"

(Dizzy tears the screen to pieces with his sword. The audience laughs as he does, and the camera cuts to Hamton)

Hamton: "Dizzilkel didn't care for it. The next film we'll review is Dances With Lobsters,"

(The title card for Dances With Lobsters appears in the upper left corner)

Hamton: "About a man who quits the navy to live among crustaceans. I loved it."

(The title card zooms in to fill up the screen, which then transitions to a clip from the movie where a man is seen dancing between two lobsters. The lobster on the left snaps his claws, and the one on the right plays a pair of clamshells like bongo drums)

Dizzy: "Mmmm! Lobster sushi! Movie make Dizzilkel hungry!"

(Dizzy tears a big hole in the screen with his sword. The audience laughs as he does)

Dizzy: "Where drawn butter?"

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of the theater, then to a view of a frightened Hamton as Dizzy walks up to him and points his sword at him)

Dizzy: "Want movie with teen appeal! Want now!"

Hamton: "Dizzilkel didn't care for that one, either.

Dizzy: "Last movie better be good, or else, Pig sushi!"

(The audience laughs)

Hamton (nervously): "What's the last film?" (gulps) "It's, uh, Immature Radioactive Samurai Slugs III."

Dizzy: "Now that art! Me saw first two 200 times!"

(Dizzy laughs and sits down next to Hamton)

Hamton: "Phew! I feel exactly the same."

(The screen transitions to a clip from the movie, where two of the slugs are dueling each other. A boot steps on the slugs, and when it steps off them, they bounce up and down like accordions. The audience laughs, and the camera cuts to a view of Hamton)

Hamton: "Tune in next time, when one of the films we'll be reviewing is Young Gums."

(Dizzy appears next to Hamton)

Dizzy: "Dated reference! Another dated reference! Who cares about Keifer Sutherland?!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view, where it looks like Dizzy is about to slice Hamton with his sword, but the film splits before he can. A film reel appears, saying SCENE MISSING. Dizzy growls, and the audience cheers as the sketch ends)

Elmyra's Reel (Be Prepared)

(The sketch begins where the previous one left off, on the film reel, which shows the title card. The camera cuts to a poorly drawn, colorless cartoon of Mr. Skullhead, who is standing between a box marked, EMERGENCY SUPPLIES, and a nightstand. Mr. Skullhead pulls out a stick of dynamite from a the box, and the word, DYNAMITE appears above an arrow pointing to the dynamite. He then picks up a bottle, and the word, NITROGLYCERIN appears above an arrow pointing to it. He puts the bottle and the stick of dynamite back in the box, and pulls out a bomb. The word, BOMB appears above an arrow pointing to it, then Mr. Skullhead puts the bomb back in the box. He then picks up a detonator on the nightstand. The word, DENTONATOR appears above an arrow pointing to it, and he puts the detonator in the box)

Elmyra (heard offscreen): "Mr. Skullhead knows that if there's an earthquake, you should be ready and prepared and have some safety-like emergency supplies."

(The audience laughs as Mr. Skullhead finishes loading the box. The camera cuts to a view of Mr. Skullhead nailing a rug to his wall, and zooms out, revealing the rest of his furniture to be nailed to the wall as well)

Elmyra (heard offscreen): "He also knows that heavy furniture and appliances should be braced, anchored or strapped, so they won't fall over."

(The audience laughs. The camera cuts to a view outside Mr. Skullhead's house as he continues nailing his furniture to the wall from the inside)

Elmyra (heard offscreen): "It's also good and well if your whole house is secured safely."

(As a result of Mr. Skullhead's excessive nailing, the wall falls over. The audience laughs, then the screen wipes to a view of Mr. Skullhead in a doorway)

Elmyra (heard offscreen): "And if a big ol' Earthquake comes along, Mr. Skullhead knows that the doorway is a good place to stand."

(Mr. Skullhead grabs the doorway as a rumbling sound can be heard. The camera zooms out to reveal the doorway was part of a dam)

Elmyra (heard offscreen): "Look out, Mr. Skullhead!"

(The water in the dam washes Mr. Skullhead down. The audience laughs, and the camera cuts to a view of some dry land as a wave washes Mr. Skullhead, who is now in pieces, over it)

Elmyra (heard offscreen): "Mr. Skullhead knows that proper preparation pays off."

(The word, SEE? appears onscreen above an arrow pointing to Mr. Skullhead's bones. The audience laughs, and the camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of the bones as they begin to move across the dry land)

Elmyra (heard offscreen): "Oh, yeah. Don't forget about those aftershocks!"

(When the bones stop moving, they form the words, THE END. The audience laughs and claps)

Elmyra (heard offscreen): "The end."

(The screen fades to black, then to a bumper of Blard Simpleton holding a stick of dynamite. It fades to black again, ending Act Two)

Act Three

Weekday Update With Rabbit Chase

(The sketch begins with the same bumper at the end of the second act, but with a zoomed-in view. The screen fades to black, then to a view of Buster, dressed like a reporter, reading over some papers in a news studio. The text, WEEKDAY UPDATE WITH RABBIT CHASE appears on the screen)

Announcer: "And now, it's Weekday Update, with your host, Rabbit Chase!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Buster)

Buster: "Good afternoon, I'm Rabbit Chase."

(Babs runs in next to Buster)

Babs: "Oh, and I'm not?"

(The audience laughs)

Buster: "Ahem. Exactly."

(Babs walks offscreen)

Buster: "Topping tonight's stories,"

(Buster moves the papers he was reading over away, revealing an ice cream sundae)

Buster: "Chocolate fudge, with nuts!"

(The audience laughs. Babs returns with two cans of whipped cream, which she sprays onto the sundae)

Babs: "And a cherry on top!"

(Babs places the cherry on the sundae, then climbs up onto the desk and kisses Buster. She then bounces around the studio, and the audience laughs)

Babs: "Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!"

(The camera cuts to a side view as Buster opens the desk, sliding the papers and the sundae off it. He pulls out more pieces of paper as he closes the desk)

Buster: "Ahem. It was revealed that Concord Condor is actually the grandson of..."

(An image of Concord appears on the screen in the upper-left corner, then an image of Concord alongside former Three Stooges member, Moe Howard)

Buster: "Former Three Stooges member, Moe Howard!"

(A rimshot plays, and the audience laughs. A picture of Barky Marky trying to catch a bone while over a canyon appears as Buster puts down the piece of paper and picks up another one)

Buster: "Also in the news, complaints have been recieved at the Tiny Toons central casting office, that the character, Barky Marky, is not in enough scripts. The Tiny Toons casting director had this to say,"

(Babs appears on the screen, dressed as the casting director, and holding a picture of Barky Marky in her right hand)

Babs: "Who's Barky Marky?"

(The audience laughs. The camera cuts to a close-up of Buster)

Buster: "And now, with the weekday updated editorial, our own..." (sighs) "Elmyra."

(The camera zooms out so that Elmyra appears on the left side of the screen and Buster appears on the right)

Elmyra: "Thank you, Hippety-hoppety Bunny-face!"

(The audience laughs)

Elmyra: "Hello, friends. I wanna know why people are all upsetty-wetty about violets on TV."

(The text, COMMENTARY appears onscreen below Buster and Elmyra)

Elmyra: "What's wrong with little violets? They're pretty and cute and all lovely all over. I don't think there's enough violets on TV."

(Elmyra pulls out the title card for The Violet Bunch and places it in front of Buster)

Elmyra: "How bout' shows like The Violet Bunch?"

(The audience laughs as Elmyra puts the title card back and swaps it out for the title card for I Love Violets)

Buster: "Elmyra..."

(Elmyra places the title card for I Love Violets in front of Buster)

Elmyra: "Or I Love Violets?"

Buster: "Elmyra..."

(The audience laughs as Elmyra puts the title card down. As she is talking, Buster has an angry look on his face)

Elmyra: "Oh, violets are oh, so pretty. If they were aminals, I'd hug them and squeeze them...."

Buster (as he yells in Elmyra's ear): "ELMYRA!"

(The audience laughs)

Elmyra: "Yes?"

Buster: "The issue is not violets on TV. It is violence. Too much violence on TV."

Elmyra: "Oh. Not this?"

(Elmyra pulls out some violets)

Buster: "No, this."

(Buster pulls a string. An anvil drops on Elmyra, and the audience laughs)

Elmyra: "Never you mind."

(Buster runs offscreen. The camera cuts to a view of him as he picks up several pieces of paper and prepares to read over them)

Buster: "And now, we'll repeat today's top story with translation by Gogo Dodo for the wacky impaired."

(A circle with Gogo Dodo inside appears on the right side of the screen)

Buster: "Topping tonight's stories, it was revealed today that Concord Condor is actually the grandson of former Three Stooges member, Moe Howard."

Gogo: "My underwear is made of bologna!"

(The audience laughs. Gogo laughs as his circle disappears)

Buster: "That's all the news, folks! I am out of here!"

(Buster picks up a pen and circles one of the pieces of paper. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of the studio as Buster runs through the wall, leaving a Buster-shaped hole in it. The audience cheers, and Babs appears)

Babs: "Oh, and I'm not?"

(The audience continues cheering as the screen fades to black)

ABC Gum Commercial

(The sketch begins with a view of a bridge as Li'l Sneezer and Sweetie Bird cross it. The camera zooms in on a bridge, then cuts to a view of the two together, holding hands)

Announcer: "There's nothing better than having a close friend to share those special moments,"

(The screen transitions to a view of Sweetie on a tree branch and Sneezer on the ground as Sweetie picks an apple and tosses it to Sneezer, who eats it. The screen then transitions to a view of them together. Sweetie is sitting on a rock and Sneezer is leaning on it. The camera zooms in on them)

Announcer: "Sharing your laughter, sharing your tears, sharing your gum."

Sneezer: "Hey, friend of mine, got any more gum?"

Sweetie (gasps): "Wait a minute!"

(Sweetie sticks out her tongue, revealing a piece of used chewing gum on it. She splits the piece in half and hands one half to Sneezer)

Sweetie: "Here you go."

(Sweetie and Sneezer chew their pieces of gum and hug each other. The screen fades to black, then to a view of a lonely Sneezer sitting on a stoop)

Announcer: "Well, now you can bring back that feeling whenever you want, with ABC Gum!"

(Sneezer snaps his fingers, steps off the stoop, and pulls out a piece of ABC gum as the text, ABC ALREADY BEEN CHEWED appears above him)

Announcer: "ABC. Already Been Chewed."

(The audience laughs as Sneezer pulls the wrapper off the gum and places the gum in his mouth)

Announcer: "It's the next best thing to a best friend."

(The audience continues laughing. The camera focuses on Sneezer as he walks away, then briefly stops, showing the letters, A, B, and C made of used chewing gum in his mouth. The audience applauds as the screen fades to black)

Countdown To Hunting Season

(The sketch begins with a view of Hamton playing the piano next to a clock about to reach the top. Above the clock is a banner that says, COUNTDOWN TO HUNTING SEASON. Plucky, dressed in a lavender tuxedo and a brown hairdo, walks past several silhouettes. As he walks onstage and picks up the microphone, the camera cuts to a view of him, focusing on him as he walks across the stage)

Plucky: "Good evening, ladies and germs, cats and kitties, senors and ritas! I'm Plucky Finelli, and welcome to Countdown to Hunting Season, here at Moose Liver Lodge! And hey, we got a couple of seconds left on the old tick-tock until..." (singing) "A hunting we will go," (Speaking as the camera zooms in on him) "Thank you! Thank you, thank you!" (Singing) "A hunting we will go," (Speaking as he moves in closer to the camera) "Jack! Ha ha!" (Singing as he backs up) "Dooby-dooby-dooby-whaa, a hunting we will go!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of the silhouettes as they applaud. Plucky and Hamton both take a bow, then the camera cuts back to Plucky)

Plucky: "Thank you! And I mean that. On the ivories, ladies and jellybeans, my main man with the magic fingers, Ham-tone Jones!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Hamton)

Hamton: "You're beautiful, babe! Some kind of nutty, kooky, beautiful cat!"

(The camera cuts back to Plucky as the silhouettes stop applauding. Plucky has a shocked expression on his face)

Plucky: "Thanks, Ham-tone! Whatever you said, I know you mean it."

(The audience laughs. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Plucky walks offstage)

Plucky: "Say, now, what do you say we take a sec and meet some of our happy hunters-to-be? Hmmm?"

(Plucky jumps onto a table that Elmer Fudd is sitting at. The camera then cuts to a view of him and Elmer together)

Plucky: (as he puts his microphone into and out of Elmer's mouth) "Hey, you're Elmer Fudd, aren't you?"

(The audience laughs)

Plucky: "I thought you looked 'Fudd-miliar'!" (Plucky nudges Elmer, then laughs nervously) "Hey, a little joke, sports fans!"

(The camera cuts to Hamton)

Hamton: "Very little."

(The audience laughs as the camera cuts back to Plucky and Elmer)

Plucky: "Elmer, I don't know what you do for a day job, but," (Singing): "Oh, I've been workin'," (Speaking as he is applauded) "Oh, thank you, thank you" (Singing as he jumps into Elmer's arms): "On the railroad," (Speaking) "Oh, Jack!" (Singing as the audience laughs): "All the livelong gosh-darn-it's-hot day!"

(The camera cuts to Hamton as he plays the piano, then back to Plucky and Elmer. Plucky jumps up and sits on top of Elmer's head)

Plucky: "Hey, and speaking of livin' long,"

(The camera cuts to a view of the clock)

Plucky: "Our countdown to hunting season is gettin' close!"

(The camera cuts back to Elmer and Plucky. Elmer is starting to get "vewy vewy mad")

Plucky: "And from the looks on your faces, I'd say the pray doesn't have a prayer! And I mean that. Jack, let's count it down!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of the stage, revealing the silhouettes belonged to Elmer Fudd Clones. They all pull out their rifle cases and unzip them as they count down)

Elmer Fudd Clones: "Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Fouw..."

(The camera cuts back to Plucky)

Plucky: "By the way, uh, just what is it hunting season for?"

(The camera cuts back to the Elmer Fudd Clones)

Elmer Fudd Clones: "Thwee, Two, One! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of Plucky as the Elmer Fudd Clones point their rifles at him)

Plucky: "Duck?"

(The audience laughs. The camera cuts to a view of Hamton playing the piano as the Elmer Fudd clones shoot Plucky, then to a view of a dazed Plucky with a defeathered scalp. The audience laughs)

Plucky (dazed): "Thank you. We'll be taking a short break now."

(Plucky faints. The audience laughs and applauds as the screen fades to black)

The Cornheads

(The sketch begins in a living room. Buster and Babs are dressed in corncob hats and purple capes. Buster is standing next to the table as Babs walks in and sets a plate of root beer bottles down on the table. The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view as she and Buster stand behind the table)

Babs (monotone voice): "The consumables are prepared, beloved corn man."

(Buster pulls out a fork and sticks it in the cork of one of the bottles. He removes the bottle and tosses it aside, then sniffs the cork)

Buster (monotone voice): "Yes, the cork emits strong, molecular, o-factory rays, which stimulate the digestive tract."

(The audience laughs as Buster puts the cork in his mouth and swallows it. He puts the fork inside his shirt as Babs picks up another bottle)

Babs (monotone voice): "And the yoo-hoos are attracted to the eye and taste senses."

(Buster picks up another bottle. He and Babs shake their bottles and the root beer sprays into their mouths. The audience laughs as they then toss the bottles into their mouths and swallow them. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as they walk up to the front of the table)

Buster (monotone voice): "Yes, our beloved corn girl, Elmyron, will be pleased with the consumables, waiting the arrival of her undisclosed human man."

Buster and Babs (simultaneous monotone voices): "Her blind date."

Babs (monotone voice as she nudges Buster): "Jinx. Owe me a yoo-hoo!"

(The audience laughs as Buster and Babs laugh monotonously simulteaneously. The corn on top of their heads emit a spark, and the text, THE CORNHEADS appear above them)

Announcer: "It's The Cornheads!"

(The screen transitions to a view of the front door. A knock can be heard, then the camera cuts to Buster and Babs)

Buster (monotone voice): "Oh. It must be the undisclosed human man."

(Buster walks up to the door, then the camera cuts to a view of him as he opens it. Blard Simpleton is on the other side. The audience cheers and applauds)

Blard: "Hey, man, I..." (Blard's eyes briefly pop out) "Whoa! Nice do. Anyway, I'm collecting money for the newspaper and..."

(Buster grabs Blard and pulls him offscreen. He then reaches from offscreen and closes the door. The audience laughs as the camera cuts to a view of the living room as Buster and Blard are standing behind the table)

Buster (monotone voice): "We are aware of your mission, non-corn human."

(Babs walks up behind the table, then the camera cuts to a zoomed-in view as they all sit down on the couch)

Babs (monotone voice): "Yes, and soon, your eyes will feast upon our little golden one, Elmyron."

(Babs reaches offscreen and pulls out a root beer bottle)

Babs (monotone voice): "You may now consume cork, if it pleases your digestive system.

(The audience laughs)

Blard (as Babs shakes the bottle): "Cork? Yuck!"

(Babs sprays the root beer and cork into Blard's mouth. The audience continues laughing as the camera cuts to a close-up of Blard as he chokes on the cork until he swallows it, then to a zoomed-out view as he runs to the door and tries to open it, but to no avail. Buster and Babs walk up to him)

Blard: "What are you, nuts?"

(Buster and Babs turn to face the viewers)

Buster (monotone voice): "No, we are corn."

Babs (monotone voice): "Corn nuts."

(The audience laughs as Buster and Babs laugh monotonously. The camera cuts to a close-up of them as the corn on their heads emits another spark.)

Elmyra (monotone voice): "Yoo-hoo."

Buster: "Ha. Our sweet niblet approaches."

(The camera cuts to a view of Blard as he looks at the stairs in shock. On the other side of the stairs is Elmyra, who, like Buster and Babs, is dressed in a corncob hat.)

Elmyra (monotone voice): "Yoo-hoo. Here I come."

(Elmyra jumps onto the stair rail and slides down. The camera cuts to a view on stair rail, zooming in on Blard, then to a view of the living room as Elmyra crashes into him, emitting a cloud of dust. The audience laughs, and when the dust clears, a view of the four together can be seen. Babs picks up Elmyra and Buster picks up Blard)

Elmyra (monotone voice): "Thank you, Oh my Parental Units. The Earth's gravitational pull is mighty."

(Elmyra blushes)

Babs (monotone voice as she points to Blard): "Elmyron, meet your non-corn undisclosed human man."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Blard, then to a zoomed-out view. The audience laughs as Elmyra tries to kiss Blard, then the camera cuts to a close-up of a terrified Blard as Elmyra's lips move in closer to kissing him, followed by a zoomed-out view)

Blard: "Hey, back off, man! I'm not dating some chowderhead ear of corn!" (as he pulls up his pants) "I'm that paperboy, not your blind date!"

(Blard opens the door, walks out, then reaches from offscreen and slams it. The audience laughs as the camera cuts to a close-up of Elmyra, who is shocked. Buster and Babs walk past her as she begins to growl in frustration, then the camera cuts to a view of Buster and Babs)

Babs (monotone voice): "The heat of her anger has increased her body temperature."

(The camera cuts back to Elmyra as she continues growling and the corn on her head begins to pop. The camera zooms in on the corn, then cuts to a close-up of Buster and Babs)

Buster (monotone voice): "Her corn's a-poppin'. You know what we must do."

(The audience laughs as the camera cuts back to Elmyra. Her face is now red and the corn on her head pops off, turning into popcorn. A purple cloud of smoke emits, and when the smoke clears, Elmyra can be seen on the couch, dazed. Her right shoe has been half-burnt off, and the top of her corncob hat breaks off and falls over. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of the living room as Buster and Babs are standing behind a pile of popcorn)

Babs (monotone voice): "Call Orville Redenbacher and fetch some butter?"

(The audience laughs as the camera zooms in and out on Buster and Babs as they use their corncob hats to emit another spark. The text, THE CORNHEADS appears above them. The audience applauds as the screen transitions to a view of Blard Simpleton onstage, waving to the viewers)

Blard: "Good night, man!"

(The camera zooms out on Blard as the rest of the episode's cast walks onscreen. However, their combined weight causes the stage to collapse and drop them in a big, gaping hole, leaving a cloud of purple dust above them. The screen fades to black, and the credits roll)

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