Dating, Acme Acres Style/Transcript
(The first act take place at night where we see Buster coming out of his hole,wearing a formal suit,his hair comb-back and greeting the viewers)
Buster: "Greeting Tooners, Buster Bunny here, along with my co-host Babs Bunny."
(As Buster introduce Babs to the right, Babs jumped out from the left and surprise Buster)
Babs: "No relation,Hey Toots,what's with the penguin?"
Buster: "Well Barbara Ann"
(Babs became angry as Buster said her real name and small comes out of her ears)
Babs: "Don't call me that!"
Buster: "As i was about to say. occasionally we on tiny toon, provide a public service ."
(Babs then pushed Buster and explain one of the early services then did)
Babs: "Like the time we told you to find you Brussel sprouts in your napkin."
(Buster then push Babs back to finish him announcement)
Buster: "Yeah, and today we are going to address a topic that looms a head for all of us."
(A giant background pic of Acme Loo appears)
Buster: "Something more fiendish then that."
(A giant Dollar sign appears)
(Babs' closet appears)
Babs: "CLEANING MY CLOSET?!"
(A giant heart-shape candy box appears)
Buster: "No it's dating!"
Buster: "May I continue?"
Babs: (calm) "Please"
Buster: "Thank you. Yes dating, you may not know it now, But someday the pesky geeky friend of yours will become Date Material."
(First we see Babs dress like a geeky nerd with large mix-match clothes,wearing big blue glasses, has her hair is a beehive style and scratching her nerds, then a few seconds later she then changed into a hot pink bunny, wearing pink spandex pants and bra-shirt)
Babs: (Sexy Voice) "Hiya Hot Happening Babe."
(Buster then goes through a short montage of Insane Wild Takes, then we see Babs again, next to a rope)
Babs: (Normal Voice) "Rule #1 girls, never underestimate the power of spandex)
(Babs then pulled the rope to reveal that it was holding water, which was used to clam Buster down and he spit out a fish)
Buster: (Calm) "Thanks! i needed that!"
(The wraparound faded to show the first cartoon)
Buster's Guide to Dating
(The cartoon begins in Buster room where we see him lying on his bed, about to tell the viewers his guide of dating)
Buster: "So you want to ask out that certain someone, Face to Face this could be brutal"
(Buster picked up his phone)
Buster: "Rule #2, use the telephone"
(Buster then dial the number and while the phone rang, he tells the viewers another important fact)
Buster: "If she refuses, you could always pretend this was a prank call"
(After a few rings, it is revealed that the person Buster called was Babs)
Buster: "Hiya Bobble-Ink, Hows about we take in a flick in Friday 8 pm?"
(We then goes to Babs' room where she covered the phone and explain the next rule of dating)
Babs: "Rule # 3, Never let yourself seem to anxious"
(Babs the talked on the phone)
Babs: "Why Buster, are you asking me out on a date?"
(We then both Buster and Babs, that looks like they are in the same room but are still in their own rooms)
Buster: "For the sake of this bit, yeah so what do you say"?
(Buster then covered the phone and tells the boy viewers the important thing about the asking out)
Buster: "Now, here's where you really sweat guys, will she accept"
(Babs also covered the phone and tells the girl viewers the important thing about being asked out)
Babs: "And girls rule #4; be careful! After all this guy could be a compete Dweeb!"
(Buster hears what Babs called him in his room)
(Babs then whistled for the next scene)
Babs: "New Background please."
(We then skipped to a new scene where Buster and Babs are in a office where Buster is still angry at Babs for calling him a Dweeb and Babs dress like a doctor with her hair in a strange style)
Buster: "What, What do you mean Dweeb?!, we've known each other our whole lives!"
Babs: (German Accent) "To see if you compatible date, It is necessary to perform a little psychological evaluation, Hahahha!"
(Babs then pushed a button on the computer which shows a ink blot)
Babs: "What does this picture remind you of?"
Buster: "An Ink Blot"
Babs: "And now I say a word and you say the first word that pops into your head, Okay? Love"
(Babs type in the computer and asked another question)
Babs: "Babs Bunny?"
Babs: (Normal voice) "CHUBBY?!"
(Babs then leap of from her desk and attack buster by tying his ears is knots then jump off screen)
Buster: "Rule #5; Never ever call a girl chubby."
(We then cut to a section of a library where Babs is dress like a judge with a book in front of her)
Babs: "And now toonsers, Rule #6; the pre-date agreement. (Talking really fast) The following shall constitute the pre-date agreement, between the party of the first part and the party of the second part, with the please of the party of the third part and the party of the fourth part."
(Just as Babs is talking about the agreement, Buster appears out of nowhere and yawned after hearing the agreement)
Buster: "Sound like some party"
(We then hear a gavel then cut to a scene where Babs is on a very tall table and explain the condition of the agreement with buster left hand rising and his right hand on a book)
Babs: "Do you solem swear to fulfill all pre-date obligation stated here under, including not but limitied to the payment of all food, entertament, transsportation, as well as all taxes, tolls, trips, fees, finds, legal cost, parking and future college tuition and other stuff like that there?"
Buster: "I thought we were going dutch"
Babs: "(Making Buzz sound) wrong!"
(Babs then appear with Buster, after changing back to her normal clothes and showed buster the pre-date papers)
Babs: "Sign Here"
(Buster then sign the agreement, we then cut to a scene where Buster and Babs are next to a big computer as Babs is typing something on the computer)
Babs: "Now, Enter you data in the dating computer and found out if you're compatible"
(Just Buster pressed a few buttons, the screen on the computer showed a huge "NO WAY!" on it, meaning Buster's not compatible, we then cut back to Babs)
Babs: "Of course, if you're still not sure...."
(Babs then pushed a button the the screen shows us her room, where she somehow got to her room and picked up the phone)
Babs: "There's one option more important then any other, that of your best girlfriend."
(Babs then dialed the phone and called her best friend Harriet where she answered)
Babs: "Harriet Hi! hey whats on the word on this Buster Bunny kid?"
(As Harriet is talking to Babs, Babs seem upset of what she's hearing about Buster when Buster appear in the back)
Babs: "No! No!, He did that?!
Buster: "Did What?"
Babs: "That Jerk!, That Creep!"
(As Harriet was done taking, Babs turned to Buster who revealed that Harriet said something good about him)
Babs: "It's a date. Harriet thinks you're cute"
(As Buster gave a sly look in front of the camera then pop his head in, Babs turn to the camera to give another rule for the girls)
Babs: "Rule # 7: Only go out with guys your best friend thinks are cute"
(We are then cut in the middle of the night where Buster is walking to Babs's home giving the boys another advice about dating)
Buster: "So now you got your date,but the true horror of dating is still lies ahead"
(As Buster pushed the doorbell, We hear Mr. Bunny's voice in a scary tone, which frighten Buster)
Mr. Bunny: "COME IN!!!!!!"
Buster: (scared tone) "You gotta meet her folks"
(We then see Buster as he is coming down the hole from an elevator pad and is in the middle of hallway. As he is tiptoed in the living room, he is fronted by Mr Bunny, who Buster can see but the viewers can only see his shadow)
Mr. Bunny: (Scary Tone) "So, you're taking out my daughter, Huh?!"
(As Buster meet up with Mr. Bunny, his Jaw dropped then fell on his butt and looked at the camera to give the viewers more advice)
Buster: "Stay Cool"
(Buster then break his rule and started blabbing like a idiot. We then cut to Babs's room where she is looking at herself in the mirror and giving the next rule)
Babs: "Rule # 8: Plan you outfit ahead, so you don't keep you date waiting"
(A few seconds later she looked at her outfit and gave an express that she hates it)
Babs: "Yeck, I hate this! What do i wear?!"
(Babs then ran back to her closet to try out different outs fits, the first being a football jersey)
Babs: "Too Sporty"
(Ran to closet and came out wearing a shiny dress with crown and pink heels)
Babs: "To Fancy"
(Ran back to closet and came out wearing a poncho and sombrero, shook her head no and ran back to the closet. We then return to the living room where Buster is giving out another rule about dating, With Mr.Bunny, who we only sees his large purple fured leg)
Buster: "Guys, when dealing with a date's parents small talks is unavoidable. Rule #9; Pick a topic you comfortable with. Gee sir you must display a great deal of water when submerged."
(However Buster's small talk somehow made Mr.Bunny angry, which caused Buster to hide behind the couch. We are then back to Babs's room where this time she is dress like a Japanese citizen, then ran back to the closet as a clown but hated the outfit then ran back inside one last time to dress like Godzilla. Couldn't take it anymore she then yell out for help)
Babs: "HELP ME!!!"
(Suddenly a large hand and paint bust appeared out of nowhere and changed Babs back to her original outfit)
Babs: "Perfect, Thanks!
(We then go back to Buster and Mr.Bunny as Buster is telling an interesting story)
Buster: "So i told the cops it was a big misunderstanding and they didn't arrest me or anything, hahahahah!, Huh?"
(Mr. Bunny then growled again which frighten Buster, yet again)
Buster: "Rule # 10: Forget the small talk"
Babs: (Off-screen) "I'm ready!"
(As Babs is ready for their date, Buster appeared to say hi to Babs)
Buster: "Hiya Babsy! (to the camera) Compliment her"
(Buster then smelled Babs to compliment her, only to offend her a bit)
Buster: "Gee, you smell good. Did you take a bath or something?"
(Upon hearing Buster's compliment, which she thinks is an insult, she turn to the camera, looking ticked)
Babs: (Ticked) "Accepted compliments gracefully"
(Babs slapped Buster in the face)
Babs: "Knock it off, Let's go to the movies"
(As Babs grabbed Buster's arm and dragged him out from one scene, in the next scene both of the popped out of Babs' hole to begin their date)
Babs: "Off to the Mo...."
(But as soon as they were about to leave, they heard the bell from the school to see it's midnight then looked at each other)
Babs: "Gee I guess I took a little too long getting ready"
Buster: "Well, the Movie's over"
Babs: "So our Date, bye!"
(As Babs went back into her hole, Buster turned to the camera to tell the boy viewers one more thing about dating)
Buster: (Angry) "So Guys, as for dating, Forget it! Go fishing, go anywhere but..."
(But just as Buster was about to finish his ranting, Babs showed up and tells the girl viewers one more thing about dating)
Babs: "I almost forgot the most important part of the first date, THE GOODNIGHT KISS!"
Buster: (Confused) The Good Night... wha?"
(As buster looked confuse, Babs put on pink lipstick)
Babs: "I had a fun time Buster, Thank you!"
(As Babs grabbed Buster and gave him a HUGE kiss, a close up of Buster's face with the lipstick on his lips as he began to turn red, After a few seconds of random wild takes Babs, while wearing a firefighter suit, pulled a rope and dropped a large amount of Water on to Buster, which cooled him down and Buster shake up all the Water, and began to give the Boy Viewers something"
Buster: (Calm) "As I was saying, dating is (Excited) ABSOLUTELY THE BEST!!!!!!!!"
(After saying that, Buster then fainted and we cut to Babs as the cartoon ends)
Babs: "Ain't he cute... awww."
Act Two/Love Stinks
(The cartoon begins at a birds-eye view of of a street, where it later changes to one Calamity Coyote as he is finishing up his latest plan. Upon looking at the trap, he rushed to a big 'X' and place bird seeds on it, After that he looked up to reveal a can of Acme Tar then the camera moved to show a large trap that includes the tar,a bowling ball and giant magnifying glass, As the camera zooms in to Calamity as he looked at the blue prints for his latest trap; In which the sun's rays will reflect on the magnifying glass onto a lighter of a cherrybomb, which is below a bowling ball which will roll down the track, knocking the can of tar, which will also knock a hen's nest, but before that the tar will hit Beeper,causing him to be trapped.)
(Having seen the plans, Calamity gave a fiendish pose (which later shows a subtitle that said: Devius Coyotius Translated: Evi Coyote) and later hears Beeper's beep.)
Beeper: "Beep, beep!"
(The camera then turns to see Beeper running (which later shows a subtitle that said: Expedious Birdius Translated: Fast Bird))
Beeper: "Beep, beep!"
(As he pasted a parking meter, which spinned in circles and then showed a "Violation" sign. After stopping at the "X" where he is eating the bird food, Calamity is seen behind a corner laughing that he took the bait. As he was checking his watch for the time where the sun will be on the highest point, the scene changes to the sun where it moves to exactly at the point where it is over the magnify glass as Beeper is eating the seeds. As the sun it the glass, a large beam of light target the cherry bomb and lit the fuse.The scene change to Calamity as he is smiling seeing his plan coming together then change back to the cherry bomb and the bowling ball, however after the small blast, it was shown that the bowling ball is not rolling, The scene then change to Calamity who is shocked to see his plan failed once again. After finishing the bird seeds Beeper left , leaving a small dust cloud.)
Beeper: "Beep, beep!"
(Calamity then approach the "X" and wondered why it didn't go off. The Camera then change to the bowling ball, which finally began to roll down the trap and afer making 2 turns hit the can of Tar and make another turn. The scene change to Calamity who is stil puzzled about his trap failing when suddenly the jar of Tar missed him and Calamity is shown to still be puzzled. We then see the Bowling ball rolling towards a hen's nest where she's sleeping until the bowling ball hits the pins and awaken her. As Calamity began to walk away casually one of the pins rolled under Calamity, causing him to slip and trip onto the tar pit, covering his whole body with tar, Calamity tries to get on his feet but slips and landed on the tar Suddenly the hen appears and flew over Calamity and left some of her feathers onto his back,)
(As a tar covered Calamity is wiping out some of the feathers from his back, he hears a familiar accent)
Fifi: "Ooh La-La-!"
(The Scene change to Fifi, who suddenly appears and is shown to be love struck)
Fif: "Mon Petit Skunk Hunk!"
(We then see,in Fifi's view, Calamity in a outline heart shape as she sees him as a skunk due to his fur looking black and the feathers on his back looking like a white strip)
Fifi: "Hold Me!"
(As Fifi is running towards Calamity, a 2-second pause appears,showing a subtitle on her that said Sexius Skunkius Translated: Sexy Skunk. As Calamity spotted Fifi running towards him, he gave out a wild eye take and tried to escape but as he tried to pull his legs off of the tar, it was shown to be impossible, he then turned to and we see Fifi leap on to him and is holding on him happily)
Fifi: "Ah at last I have found you, mon reason for puberty."
(As Fifi is kissing Calamity and laughing in his presence, her stench appear, a close up of calamity's face as he is tearing from the stench, We then see a full screen view of Fifi and Calamity as Fifi is still shown to be kissing him, but Calamity grabbed her face and pulled it away, trying to get away from her, he then inhaled his breath, making his stomach large enough for Fifi's arms and legs not holding him, Then he ran out and Fifi fell into the dried up tar pit then, in her view, See a scared Calamity running to the distance to get away from her. The view shows Calamity's back as the white feathers strangely resembled a white strip We then cut to Fifi as she looked at the camera)
Fifi: "Intelligent boys are such a tease"
(We then cut to the next scene where on the tallest buliding a bunch of smoke appears, the we see a box labeled "Acme Jr. Jet", Revealing to be Calamity have bulit it for his next plan. As Calamity is sitting in the jet and place a pair of safety goggles on his face, we hear the sound of running, the camera then change to show a running Beeper as he stopped and notice a large red "X" in the middle of the sidewalk, and mistakenly jumped on it like it was a hopstoch outline.)
Beeper: "Beep, beep!"
(Calamity then takes out the remote control and pressed a buttom, then he turns to see the plane it working. The next scene shows Fifi as she is walking in the place where she is calling out her for her dream skunk)
Fifi: "Where are you my little mensum man?"
(The Scene change to Calamity as he is flying toward the target, when he is surpise to see Fifi in his way, The Scene then changed to Fifi as she is happy to see Calamity)
Fifi: "He wants to fly into my heart!"
(As Fifi is seen with her arms and hand out, We cut to Calamity and the jet as it fly by her, As Calamity is about to capture Beeper, the jet suddenly turns around back to other direction, As Calamity is surpise of how could this has happen,the scene cut to reveal Fifi having another remote controller and reroute the jet to her)
Fifi: "You are, how you say, cleared for landing."
(As the jet stopped midair, showing a angry Calamity, a happy Fifi asked Calamity a question"
Fifi: "Coffe, tea or Moi?"
(Calamity then snatch the remove and and tried to reroute back to Beeper, only to crash into something, we then cut to see that Calamity has crashed into a brick wall, with the jet destroyed , we then cut to Fifi who looks at the Camera)
Fifi: "Love Hurts, No?"
(We then cut to the Acme Park where we see a box labeled "Acme Zap Tap and Calamity, holding a remote and is next to a robotic female roadrunner but when he pushed a button the robot changed into a cage then push another button and back into the robot, he gave a small snicker then tip toed into a bush where he waited for Beeper.)
Beeper: "Beep, beep!"
(Beeper then appeared in the park, upon seeing him Calamity pushed the button, in which caused the robot roadrunner to drop a hankie and saying "BEEP BEEP" on a female tone. Upon returning back to the spot Beeper gave a wolf whistle then ran to the robot and picked up the hankie and gave it to her. As Camality is snickering about his trap about to work, we cut to Beeper and the robot who makes kissie faces to him but Beeper pulled out a remote, pressed a button and as the robot was tranforming into a girl coyote Beeper ran off.)
Beeper: "Beep, beep!"
(Upon seeing the Robot Coyote, who gave his a wink, Calamity gave out a wild eye out take then ran to the robot and he began kissing her. We then see Beeper with the remote and pressed another button, As Calamity is still kissing the robot, the robot began to active and tranform into a cage, Beeper then looked at the camera, threw away the remote and ran off.)
Beeper: "Beep, beep!"
(Calamity, now in the cage, moves the bars left to right in angry for falling into his own trap. Suddenly a mystious strench appears behind him as he sniffed it, then turned around gave a wildtake when the camera revealed that Fifi is also in the cage. As a Frighten Calamity is scared, Fifi grabbed his face and began to kiss him all over and stopped, which in a spilt second shows a small bit of her spit)
Fifi: "You don't need a cage to catch me, my little transformare of love"
(Calamity tried to ran off but Fifi grabbed him and then grabbed his leg and began kissing it. While Fifi was distracted Calamity came up with a plan, he took out a file and began to file the bars while Fifi was still kissing his leg. but as he was doing that Beeper appears at the cage and gave him a rasberry, As some as Calamity stopped and was angry at him Beeper ran out of the cage and Fifi stopped kissing his leg and just hugged him. As she was hugging him Calamity smelled the stench then began to file faster. After that failed Fifi climbed up on top of him and kissed his forehead and asked him a question while upside down)
Fifi: "Will you be my Boyfriend?"
(We then see a close up of Fifi's upside down face,revealing her to have beautiful purple eyes, As she bats her eyes when she asked him the question, we then see a close up of Calamity's face, With his eyes now bloodshot, as his left is now in swirls and the right one normal and is shown to be sweating. When Fifi's Stench appears his eyes turn dark green, The Camera then zoom out to show that Calamity is shown wrapped up by her tail and surrounded by her stench. Suddenly the cage began to melt into a green ooze as Fifi was cuddling Calamity, After the caged melted, Calamity saw this as opportunity, got out of Fifi's grip, and then ran off as Fifi is on the green ooze looking at the camera.)
Fifi: "I sense a fear of commitment."
(We then cut to a city block where there are cans of Acme Tar Remover, As the camera to show rows of used can we then see that Calamity has purchase said cans and after pouring one on to him, which caused the leftover tar to surround a parking meter. Calamity then gave out a happy breath as he was finally back to his normal self. When suddenly he heard a familiar accent.)
Fifi: "I am almost finding you!"
(Upon hearing that Calamity gave out a wild take with his eyes popped out and his tongue sticking out then showed a frighten pose while shaking in fear when Fifi approaches him)
Fifi: "Excusez-moi, sort of, nerdy coyote but have you see le delectable boy skunk anywhere?)
(As Fifi was looking around to found her dream guy, Calamity looked at the camera is confusion and then shook his head "No". The we see a sad Fifi sighing)
Fifi: "La Sigh! Alone again, naturellement, le boo, le boo hoo!"
(As Fifi began to walk sadly out of the screen, a sad Calamity feel guilty for making her sad when suddenly Beeper appears out of nowhere and gave out a large truck like honk, which causes Calamity to fly into the air and land back to the sidewalk, leaving cracks on it. While Calamity looking angry at him, Beeper ran backward, taunting Calamity when suddenly he hit the meter and fell into the leftover tar pits, which covered his whole body in Tar and made him a little dizzy. We then see Calamity smiling to see Beeper in pain then came up with a plan that would work in his favor. He gave out a huge whistle as the camera turn to view a sad Fifi, who turns around and is love struck to see Beeper as a skunk then ran towards him)
Fifi: "Ooh La Lad! Hold Me!"
(As Fifi grabbed and hugged the tar covered Beeper, her stench appears and Beeper sniffed it. Upon sniffing it he gave out a yell then jumped out of her arms and ran away. the camera then zoom to her face where she said her last word in the cartoon)
Fifi: "Thank heaven for little boys, no?"
(As Fifi brushed her hair, she began her chase towards Beeper, who is running to get away from her, She even did her Mentor's classic chase, hopping on her hands and feet. In one last shot we see a Happy Calamity hopping for joy as he came out on top for the first time, ending the cartoon)
Act Three/Dream Date Game
(The Cartoon begin back at the studio, where Buster and Babs are behind a screen that read "Video Dating Service, Having Friend Fix you up and Beg". Buster and Babs turn into the camera)
Buster: "You know, there are other ways to found a date. A Video Dating Service."
Babs: "Or your friends could fix you up."
Buster: "Or you could always....."
(But before Buster could say the last work, a angry voice yelled out)
Monty: "All Right, That's it! I've had enough of this mushy stuff!"
(It was revealed that the person who yelled was Monty, as he came to the camera and got between Buster and Babs)
Babs: (Sweetly) "Why hello, Monty:"
Monty: "Don't 'Hello' Me! This has been the saddest excuse for entertainment I've ever seen! Dating?! Ha! Let's do a real story now-- Something with some action,Something with some Danger!"
(The camera then change side to Buster, who got an idea)
Buster: "Action and Danger Eh?"
Buster: "Come with me Monty my boy, I got just the thing."
(Buster then takes Monty behind the screen where, off screen, began to beat up Monty while Babs is reaction to the sound)
Monty: " Hey, What that?!"
(After the beating Stop, a close up of Babs as she about to say a thing about dating)
Babs: And if you really need a date,you could try the "Dream Date Game".
(The screen behind Babs suddenly switch to a game show with hearts, and three chairs on the right, with only 2 shadow figures on the chairs, the announce then is heard)