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Acme Cable TV/Transcript

Act One

(The episode begins with the title card. After the title card is shown, the screen fade to black, then to the Tiny Toon Adventures logo as we hear Buster and Babs having a sneezing and coughing fit in the background. The Tiny Toon Adventures logo gets pushed to the right side of the screen, revealing Babs' burrow, which the camera zooms in on, then cuts to the living room, where we see a pizza box with a half-eaten pizza in it, a soda bottle, and a box of used tissues on the floor. The camera moves to the right side of the screen, revealing more used tissues and other garbage on the floor as Buster and Babs are on the couch, with a giant television set in front of them. The camera zooms in on them as they begin to talk to the viewers. While Buster is talking to the viewers, Babs wipes her nose with the tissues and tosses them on the floor)

Buster (nasal voice): "Hiya, toonsters. Babsy and I had a great show lined up, but we came down with the Tiawan Flu."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs as she wipes her nose)

Babs (nasal voice): "Now we sneeze with an accent."

(Babs sneezes into her tissue. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Buster holds a remote control in his left hand)

Buster (nasal voice): "So we're gonna take it easy today and check out the box."

(The camera cuts back to a close up of Buster and Babs, who scoot over to give the viewers a place to sit)

Buster (nasal voice): "Come on and join us."

(The camera cuts back to the zoomed-out view as Buster and Babs beat the couch, then to a close-up of Babs)

Babs (nasal voice): "My folks just got Acme Cable. 685 channels of viewer-pleasing mind rot."

(The camera zooms out to a view of her and Buster)

Buster (nasal voice) "Relax, enjoy. We'll try not to breathe on you."

(Buster and Babs sneeze, and their snot flies onto the camera)

Buster and Babs (nasal voices): "Sorry."

(Buster clicks the remote control with his right hand, and the screen turns to static)

The Babsy and Buswinkle Show

(The sketch begins with a close-up of a drum, then zooms out to reveal Buster (whose ears are shaped like Bullwinke's antlers beating it. He is sitting on a pipe organ, which Babs, who is wearing Rocky's flight helmet, is revealed to be playing. The camera focuses on the pipe organ as Montana Max, who is dressed like Boris Badenov, tosses a bomb. The bomb explodes, tearing the pipe organ to pieces. The drum falls, and now has THE BABSY AND BUSWINKLE SHOW written on it. The heads of Buster and Babs fall down next to it)

Announcer: "It's The Babsy and Buswinkle Show!"

(A cymbal falls on Buster's head, which now looks dazed. The screen fades to black, then cuts to the next scene, where Buster and Babs are tied up and riding a missile, which the camera zooms in on)

Announcer: "Last time you recall, things were looking pretty grim for our heroes."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Buster and Babs as they scream in peril, then to a zoomed-out view of the Acme Packing building. The camera focuses on Buster and Babs as they walk over to a submarine with the a banner that says, FREE FOOD above it)

Announcer: "Babsy and Buswinkle had been tricked aboard Montana Mulitove's nuclear sub..."

(The camera cuts to a view of the submarine's deck, and focuses on Buster and Babs as they walk onto it. On the deck is a single sandwich, and Montana Max dressed like Boris Badenov and Elmyra Duff dressed like Natasha Fatale. They jump on Buster and Babs just as Buster is about to grab the sandwich. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view of the sub as Buster and Babs are tied to the missile)

Announcer: "They were strapped onto a full-lance missile and launched towards the Bay of Pigs."

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of several islands as Buster and Babs fly towards them. The camera zooms in on one, then cuts to a view of the Bay of Pigs, a beach with a population consisting of anthropomorphic pigs. It cuts back to the missile, with Buster and Babs still tied to it)

Babs: "Hokey jokes, Buswinkle!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs)

Babs: "With dated 60's references like this, we won't have much of a life in reruns!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up Buster)

Buster: "Don't worry, if this missile explodes, we won't have much of a life, period!"

(The camera cuts back to the close-up of Babs)

Babs: "How can you crack jokes at a time like this?"

(The camera back to the close-up of Buster)

Buster: "We gotta do somethin' to eat up airtime! We don't have enough money for animation!"

(The camera back to the close-up of Babs)

Babs: "I think there are too many inside gags on this show."

(The camera back to the close-up of Buster)

Buster: "Well, if you can't be funny, be confusing!"

(Buster laughs as the camera cuts to a zoomed out-view of the missile, which flies downwards, then to an overhead view of the island)

Announcer: "And 'confusing' is certainly the word for this show. Tune in next time for, 'Missile While You Work'..."

(The text, MISSILE WHILE YOU WORK appears onscreen)

Announcer: "Or..."

(The text disappears, and Buster and Babs on the missile head down towards the island. The missile explodes as it lands on the island, and the text, BOOM WITH A VIEW appears onscreen)

Announcer: "'Boom With A View'."

Foot Loops Commercial

(The sketch begins in the park, with Gogo Dodo walking across the path. The camera focuses on him as he suddenly hears Shirley complaining)

Shirley: "Like, yuck, and gross!"

(Gogo walks offscreen, and the camera cuts to the next scene, where Shirley is floating in midair, holding a bowl of granola as Gogo walks up to her)

Gogo: "What's wrong, Shirl?"

Shirley (spits): "I'm totally sick of this dull, grody granola every day!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of her, then to an opposing view)

Shirley: "Mondo dragola of the world!"

(Gogo turns around as Shirley lands, then turns back around with a nose with blue, orange, black, and yellow stripes. He is holding a triangle, which he dings several times, then tosses)

Gogo (singing): "If it's something tasty you like to eat..."

(Gogo removes his shoes)

Gogo (singing): "Then do like me and use your feet!"

(Gogo lifts up his left foot and wiggles his toes in front of Shirley. His foot gets closer to the camera, which cuts to Shirley landing on the ground, with the bowl of granola in her lap)

Gogo (singing): "I follow my toes, it smells kind of gross, like something dead..."

(Gogo appears in Shirley's bowl of granola, with vulture wings and a top hat)

Gogo (singing): "Starting to decompose!"

(Gogo flies out of Shirley's granola bowl, then the camera cuts to a close-up of him next to his shoes. He pulls a cereal box out of the shoes and holds it up to the camera. On the box are the words, FOOT LOOPS and a picture of a foot below it)

Gogo: "Ah, there it is! Yummy Foot Loops cereal, in four pre-sweetened flavors: Bunions, corns, calluses, and new toenails!"

(Red bumps and toenails appear on the foot as Gogo describes them to the viewers. The words, NEW TOENAILS appear on the box as Gogo pulls it away from the camera. Gogo then pours the cereal from the box into his left shoe, then tosses the box, pulls out a pitcher of milk, and pours it into the shoe as well. The camera cuts to a view of him and Shirley as he hands the shoe to her. She responds in disgust)

Shirley: "Like, anyone got a stomach pump?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Gogo as he squeezes his shoe and the cereal flies into his mouth. He responds in delight, and a camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of him)

Gogo (singing): "If you want yummy Foot Loops, follow my toes!"

(Gogo stands on his left foot and moves his right one up to the camera. It has the words, FOOT LOOPS written on it)

Walt Dizzy Presents The Cat Who Thought He Was Hammerhead Shark

(The sketch begins with a view of Babs as Tinkerbunny, held up by a wire, holding a bazooka. The camera cuts to a view of a familiar looking castle. Babs shoots the bazooka around the castle, creating fireworks, until she accidentally destroys it)

Singers: "Our show is a carnival of horror, blistering, eye-poking horror."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs, then to a view of a crater where the destroyed castle was)

Babs: "Oops!"

(The camera cuts back to Babs as she hides the bazooka behind her back and giggles nervously. She is then pulled away by the wire. The camera cuts back to the view of the crater, which the bazooka lands in, then the screen fades to black. The next scene takes place in Walt Dizzy's office, where there are a bunch of awards sitting on counters. The camera moves over to Dizzy Devil, dressed as Walt Dizzy)

Announcer: "And now, here's your host, Walt Dizzy."

(The camera zooms in on Dizzy)

Dizzy: "Tonight, me present another heart-warming nature tale, The Cat Who Thought He Was Hammerhead Shark."

(In the next scene, a stork is flying over the sea, carrying a pouch of kittens in his bill. A Hammerhead Shark is chasing him)

Narrator: "It's a well-known fact that the common housecat and the hammerhead shark are natural enemies in the wild."

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of the stork as Furrball falls out of the pouch. The camera cuts to a view of him and focuses on him as he falls)

Narrator: "Still, when this rambunctious young'n fell out of Mr. Stork's sack..."

(The camera cuts to a view of the Hammerhead Shark as she catches Furrball in her mouth, then to a close-up of her as she rises out of the water with Furrball on her tongue. The camera then cuts to a view inside her mouth, where it looks like she is about to eat Furrball, who shivers in fear, then cuts to a close-up of her, who finds Furrball cute and decides not to eat him)

Hammerhead Shark: "Awww..."

(The hammerhead shark picks up Furrball and hugs him)

Narrator: "Old Ma Shark didn't have the heart to, well, gobble him down."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Furrball, who looks like he's in pain, as the Hammerhead Shark's hug is more than he can handle. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view of the Hammerhead Shark, then focuses on her as she jumps across the water. The screen fades to black, and in the next scene, the sun is setting as a close-up of the Hammerhead Shark's fin is seen. Furrball follows her, with his tail sticking out of the water, and the camera focuses on them as they swim across the water)

Narrator: "As the years passed, the little fella grew to love his watery life."

(Furrball gives a gargly meow. The camera then cuts to a view of the beach, then moves over to the Hammerhead Shark and Furrball. It then cuts to a view of the two and zooms in on them as the Hammerhead Shark hugs Furrball good-bye.

Narrator: "But sooner or later, all little predators have to strike out on their own."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of the Hammerhead Shark as she lets Furrball go. It then cuts to a zoomed-out view as Furrball swims and walks onto the beach and the Hammerhead Shark waves good-bye to him. The next scene takes place at the Acme Park, where Byron Basset plans to take a nap. The camera focuses on him as he walks to a nice spot)

Narrator: "And hunt for themselves."

(Furrball looks at Byron from behind a tree. The camera cuts to him as he snarls and foams at the mouth, then to an overhead view of him as he circles around Byron. It then cuts to a side view of Byron as Furrball continues to circle around him. It cuts back to the overhead view as he continues to circle, then to a zoomed-out view of him as he prepares to strike. Furrball growls, and the camera cuts to a view of Byron as he bites his nose. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-in view as Furrball meows innocently, clinging to Byron's nose. Byron flicks Furrball, who screams. The camera cuts to different views of him as he is flicked into the air, landing on a brick wall)

Flassie

(This sketch is done entirely in black and white, and begins with a view of the forest. The text, FLASSIE appears onscreen)

Announcer: "Stay tuned for the world's smartest dog, Flassie."

(The camera cuts to a view of Flassie on a hill. She looks in concern as the camera moves over to Montana Max, who is dressed like a boy scout, looking at a map)

Montana Max: "Over the river and through the woods, to grandmother's house we go."

(The camera cuts to a view of a cliff. Monty is too busy reading the map to notice it. The camera cuts back to Flassie and focuses on her as she runs after Monty. The camera cuts back to the cliff as Monty walks off it and Flassie arrives too late to save him. The camera then cuts to an overhead view of Monty as he falls off the cliff, screaming. The camera cuts back to Flassie, who looks down, then to Monty, who is hanging onto a tree branch)

Montana Max: "Help!"

(The camera cuts back to Flassie, who turns around to find help. The camera then cuts to a view of a fence, which Flassie jumps over, then to an opposing view of the forest, which Flassie runs through. The camera then cuts to a view of a crocodile-ridden swamp, which Flassie jumps across the crocodiles, then to an underhead view of the forest, as Flassie swings by some trees on a vine. The camera then cuts to a World War II-esque battle fort, with various explosions going off as Flassie runs, then to an overhead view of a farm house, which Flassie runs toward. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-in view as Flassie goes inside the shed, then to a view inside the house, where Elmyra Duff is dressed in an apron, washing dishes. Flassie stops when she sees her, and the camera cuts to a view of the two of them together)

Flassie: "Make haste, Mistress. A boy is in imminent danger of plummeting to certain doom. We can affect a rescue if we act quickly!"

(Elmyra turns around and barks at Flassie. The camera cuts to a close-up of Flassie, who looks at it confused with a question mark above her head. Flassie turns her head, and the camera cuts back to the view of her and Elmyra as she grabs Elmyra's cheeks)

Flassie: "A hiker is hanging from Dead Man's Peak. Call the rangers, okay?"

(Elmyra pulls out a dog toy and barks several times. Flassie swats the dog toy out of her hand, grabs her shoulders, and shakes them)

Flassie: "Don't you speak the King's English?!"

(The camera cuts to Monty, who is still hanging from the branch)

Flassie: "Someone is in trouble!"

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of the branch, where below, a bear, a snake, and a cougar are growling. The camera zooms in and out on them, then cuts back to Monty as the branch begins to break. The camera cuts back to Flassie and Elmyra as Elmyra barks and hugs Flassie)

Announcer: "That's the world's smartest dog, and the world's dumbest dog owner on Flassie."

(Monty can be heard screaming offscreen as he falls to his doom. Flassie and Elmyra look to the left side, then at the camera with confused looks as the sketch fades to black)

Act Two

(The second act begins with a view of Buster on the couch, with the TV off. Babs appears close-up on-screen)

Babs (singing in a nasal voice): "TV in the mornin', TV in the evenin', TV all the time."

(Babs shows up behind the couch, then behind the TV. She then steps on the screen, which carries her down. She then jumps on the couch)

Babs (singing in a nasal voice): "If you watch enough TV, your brains will turn to slime."

(Buster clicks the remote and the TV turns on, showing static. The camera cuts to a close-up of the TV and zooms in on it

The Ballad of Montana Max

(The sketch begins with a zoomed-out view of Montana Max's mansion, which the camera zooms in on. The camera then cuts to a view of Montana Max in his bed, with a mattress literally made of money, as he kicks a bag of money back and forth with his feet)

Banjo Possum (singing narration): "Come listen to my story of Montana Max, a billionaire brat wiped out by income tax,"

(Monty tosses his money bag into the air, when suddenly, a hand holding an envelope marked, IRS appears on the right side of the screen. The bag of money lands on Monty as he stares at the envelope. Several dollar bills fly out of the bag, one of which is used as a transition to the next scene, where, inside Monty's room, Uncle Sam walks in as IRS workers follow him, pushing wheelbarrows)

Banjo Possum (singing narration): "Uncle Sam come a runnin' out to repossess, and Monty lost it all to the IRS."

(Uncle Sam and the IRS workers run back in the opposite direction, with their wheelbarrows now full of Monty's money and expensive treasures)

Banjo Possum (narrating): "Eh, foreclosed, that is."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Monty, who looks very distraught)

Banjo Possum (narrating): "Chapter eleven, suckin' sidewalk!"

(The camera cuts to a view outside Monty's mansion, where Uncle Sam literally kicks Monty out, and closes the front gate, with a sign that says, REPOSSESSED on it. Monty runs back and pulls on the bars of the gate, but to no avail)

Banjo Possum (singing narration): "Well, next thing you know, Ol' Monty's on the street,"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Monty as he anxiously tries to get back into his mansion by continuing to pull on the bars, then back to the view outside the mansion, where Babs, Buster, and Plucky appear)

Banjo Possum (singing narration): "His ex-friends said,"

Buster, Babs, and Plucky (as they run up to Monty and grab him): "Hey, move it, deadbeat!"

(The camera transitions to the next scene, where Buster, Babs, and Plucky carry Monty to a launch base, where a Rocket is ready to be launched)

Banjo Possum (singing narration): "Said, 'The great outdoors is the place you ought to stomp',"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of the rocket fuse as Plucky lights it, then to Monty, who throws an unheard tantrum as Buster and Babs secure the rope)

Banjo Possum (singing narration): "So they lit a Acme Rocket, and sent him to the swamp."

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of the launch base as Monty's rocket is lit, then to an overhead view of Banjo's swamp as Monty lands, causing the rocket to explode. Banjo laughs. The camera then cuts to Monty as he stands up in the mud puddle, then to a view of Banjo's family. Banjo is sitting in a hammock as the camera zooms in on him, then cuts to a close-up of him)

Banjo: "Possum Swamp, that is. Marsupials, carnivores, inbred!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Monty and focuses on him as he walks out of the mud puddle)

Announcer: "Montana Max is the Possum Swamp Pauper!"

(Monty jumps and screams as he stares in shock. He runs away as Banjo's family chases him. The screen fades to black, then to the next scene, where a close-up of Banjo is shown. The camera zooms out on him to reveal the rest of his family, who are rubbing their stomachs)

Banjo Possum (singing narration): "And now it's time to say 'so long' from Banjo and my brood, we'd love to visit with you, but we're plump out of food. You're all invited back for eats next time you're out our way,"

(Banjo's family waves good-bye to the viewers, and the camera zooms in on one relative. The camera then cuts to a close-up of his mouth as Monty opens it, waves good-bye to the viewers, and runs off)

Banjo Possum (singing narration): "Our kettle's always open all the livelong day!"

(The camera cuts to a view of a hill as Monty runs away and Banjo's family chases him)

Banjo Possum: "Y'all come back now, you hear?"

Toonywood Squares

(The sketch begins with a view of a Hollywood Squares-esque podium, with Buster, Hamton, Furrball, Dizzy, Babs, Shirley, Gogo, Plucky, and Byron in the nine squares. Each of them zooms in to fill the screen as the Announcer calls their names (Shirley does so without her square))

Male Announcer: "One of these nine stars is today's secret toon. Could it be, Buster Bunny, Plucky Duck, Shirley the Loon, Hamton J. Pig, Furrball, Byron Basset, Gogo Dodo, Dizzy Devil, or Babs Bunny? All in the Toonywood Squares!"

(The camera cuts to a view of three podiums. Montana Max (who is wearing a ten-gallon hat) is the X player, Elmyra Duff is the O player, and Blink Winkleman is the host. The camera zooms in on them)

MAle Announcer: "And now, here's the master of the Toonywood Squares, Blink Winkleman!"

Blink: "We-he-hell, hi, fun-lovers! Hi, toons!"

(Blink turns to the toons and waves at them)

Buster, Plucky, Shirley, Hamton, Gogo, Dizzy, and Babs (heard offscreen): "Hi, Blink!"

Babs (heard offscreen): "You look like a jerk!'

Blink: "Well... thank you! And now, let's meet our contestants!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Montana Max)

Blink: "He's a boy billionaire and president of the Saddam Hussein fan club, meet Montana Max!"

(The audience cheers)

Montana Max: "Knock it off! No good, lazy couch potatoes! Get a job!"

(The camera moves over to Elmyra)

Blink: "She's an animal lover with the smarts of a speed bump, the relatively unpopular, Elmyra!"

(The audience cheers as Elmyra reaches for her microphone and grabs it)

Elmyra: "I will take the cute blue bunny for the block, Blink!"

(The camera zooms out)

Blink (laughs): "I'm sure you will." (To the viewers) "I really hate my life." (To Monty and Elmyra): "Now, you all know how to play the game,"

(The camera cut to a view of the toons in the nine squares as Blink demonstrates the rules)

Blink: "You need to get three squares across, up and down, or diagonally to win the game,"

(Three Xs appear vertically on Hamton, Babs, and Plucky, then horizontally on Dizzy, Babs, and Shirley, then diagonally on Gogo, Babs, and Furrball. The camera then cuts back to Blink, Monty, and Elmyra)

Blink: "And X Starts the game, Monty."

(The camera zooms in on Monty as his X lights up and dings)

Montana Max: "I'll take the stupid-looking bird with the umbrella."

(The camera cuts to a view of the nine toons, then to a close-up of Gogo in his podium)

Blink: "Gogo Dodo!"

Gogo: "Blink, I'd like to blog my new book."

(Gogo pulls out a book with the words, WATT? ME WORRY? on the front cover)

Blink: "Well, heck, go right ahead."

(Gogo pulls out an extension cord)

Gogo: "It's light reading!"

(Gogo plugs the extension cord into his head and the audience laughs as the book lights up, then disintegrates. The camera cuts to a view of Blink and Monty)

Blink (laughs): "Okay, settle down, Gogo. Here's your question; 'Is exploding dynamite permitted in TV cartoons today?'"

(The camera cuts back to Gogo in his podium)

Gogo: "Abso-positively."

(The camera cuts back to Blink and Monty as Blink turns his head towards Monty)

Blink: "Gogo says, 'yes'. Monty?"

Montana Max: "I... disagree!"

(The buzzer sounds to indicate Monty's answer was wrong and Gogo's was correct)

Blink: "Oh, I'm sorry, Monty, Gogo was telling the truth; dynamite is allowed in TV cartoons today."

(Gogo walks over to Monty, carrying a cake with a stick of dynamite as a candle, which he hands to Monty. Gogo runs off as Monty tries to blow out the fuse before the dynamite explodes, but to no avail, as it inevitably explodes in his face)

Blink: "At least in this TV cartoon. Circle gets the square!"

(The camera cuts to the nine toons as an O gets put over Gogo's square. The camera then cuts to a view of Blink and Elmyra)

Blink: "Elmyra! Your turn."

(The O on Elmyra's podium lights up and dings)

Elmyra: "I'll take the blue bunny-wunny to love and to spindle and to mutilate. And to block, Blink."

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster in his podium)

Blink (heard offscreen): "Hey, Buster, what's the difference between mayonnaise and Elmyra's brain?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Elmyra, then back to Buster)

Buster: "Mayonnaise tastes better on sandwiches?"

(The audience laughs)

Buster: "Nah. Difference between mayonnaise and Elmyra's brain... The mayonnaise has a higher I.Q.?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Elmyra)

Elmyra: "I agree."

(The O on Elmyra's podium dings, to indicate that her answer, as well as Buster's latter, were both correct)

Blink: "Correct!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view, revealing Monty is still scorched from Gogo's cake)

Blink: "Mayonnaise has an I.Q. of 1, and Elmyra has no discernible I.Q." (He points to Elmyra, who waves to the viewers) "Very good."

(The camera cuts back to the nine toons as an O gets put over Buster's square)

Blink: "Circle gets the square! Back to Monty!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Blink and Monty as Monty's X lights up and dings. Monty growls)

Montana Max: "I'll take the goofy-lookin' hound."

Blink: "Byron Basset!"

(The bell dings and Monty stares in shock, then covers his face with his hat. The camera cuts back to the nine toons as Byron's square lights up, then cuts to a close-up of him in his podium)

Blink: "And Byron Basset is today's secret toon!"

(The camera cuts back to Blink and Monty)

Blink: "Get this answer right, Monty, here's what you'll win!"

(Monty turns around as the camera cuts to an overhead view of the French Rivera, with the text, THE FRENCH RIVIERA above it)

Female Announcer: "An all-expense paid trip to The French Riviera,"

(The camera cuts to a view of a curtain, which opens to reveal a jet plane)

Female Announcer: "On your new Acme Jumbo Jet..."

(A massive pile of money falls on the jet plane)

Female Announcer: "Filled with a bonus cash prize of $800,000,000!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Monty, whose eyes form the reels of a slot machine and land on two dollar signs. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view of Monty and Blink)

Blink: "Yes. But if you lose, Monty, you'll take a terrifying descent into..."

(The camera cuts to a view of a blank wall, then moves down to reveal Heck, with many devils in it)

Female Announcer: "Hades! Where you'll spend an eternity in flames, along with the most despicable people who ever lived!"

(The camera cuts back to Monty and Blink)

Montana Max: "Huh? Wait a minute"

Blink: "Uh-uh, no can do, Monty!" (He pulls out the next question card) "Here's the question! Byron!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Byron)

Blink (heard offscreen): "How did early pioneers describe life in America's west?"

Byron: "Ruff."

(The camera cuts back to Blink and Monty)

Blink: "Monty, do you agree or disagree?"

Montana Max: "With what?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Blink)

Blink: "Agree or disagree?"

(The camera moves over to Monty)

Montana Max: "I disagree with this whole show!"

(The buzzer buzzes, indicating Monty's answer was incorrect and Byron's was correct. The audience "aws" in disapproval, and the camera cuts to a view of Monty and Blink)

Blink: "Oooh, life in America's west was indeed, 'rough', as Byron said. Circle gets the square!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the nine toons as an O gets put over Byron's square. The camera then cuts back to Monty and Blink)

Montana Max: "The stupid dog barked! He said 'Woof'! That's not an answer!"

Blink: "Don't be a sore loser, Monty. And have a pleasant trip!"

(Monty's X dims and dings, and a trap door opens, which Monty falls down, screaming. A burst of fire appears in Monty's place. The camera then moves to Elmyra, whose O dings)

Blink: "You're up, Elmyra!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Elmyra)

Elmyra: "I will take the pink, girly bun-bun for the win!'

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs)

Blink (heard offscreen): "Oh Babs, or should I say, 'Joan',"

(Babs ducks, then comes back, dressed like Joan Rivers)

Babs (imitating Joan Rivers): "Oh! Oh! Can we talk?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Blink)

Blink: "Joan, what sound does a falling anvil make when it hits a toon?"

(The camera cuts back to a close-up of Babs)

Babs (imitating Joan Rivers): "Oh, oh! It sounds like my thighs being lipo-suctioned!"

(The audience laughs)

Babs: (imitating Joan Rivers) "No, no! No, wait! When the anvil hits, it makes a loud 'CLANG' sound. Oh, oh!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Blink and Elmyra. This time, there is a pulley with a chain between them)

Elmyra: "I agree."

Blink: "Well, let's find out, shall we?"

(Blink pulls the chain, and an anvil falls on Elmyra, and it does indeed make the loud 'CLANG' sound. The camera focuses on the anvil as it squashes Elmyra, then moves back up to Blink)

Blink: "Yes! 'Clang' is correct! Elmyra wins the game!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the nine toons, who cheer as Buster, Babs, and Byron form a diagonal line from Elmyra's Os. The camera then cuts back to Blink as fire surrounds Monty's podium. Monty rises from the podium, screaming, and runs away as several devils chase him. The camera cuts to a close-up of Blink as a dazed Elmyra rises, with blue rabbits circling her head)

Elmyra: "Oooh! Look at all the pretty blue hippety-hops!"

(Elmyra points to the rabbits circling her head and walks away. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view of Blink)

Blink: "We're out of time, so so long from Too-oo-oonywood Squares!"

(An anvil falls on Blink, with Buster and Babs sitting on top of it. The camera zooms in on them)

Babs (nasal voice): "431 more cable channels to go, so stay tuned!"

(Buster and Babs wave to the viewers, and the screen fades to black, ending Act Two)

Act Three

(The third act begins with a black screen with a white dot)

Buster (nasal voice): "There is nothing wrong with your television set. We are controlling the broadcast."

(The white dot forms into a horizontal line, then to the outline of Plucky Duck)

Buster (nasal voice): "We can control the vertical."

(The outline of Plucky turns into a vertical line)

Buster (nasal voice): "We can control the horizontal."

(The vertical line turns into a horizontal line, with a flattened Plucky in the middle)

Buster (nasal voice): "We can even make it snow!"

(The white line turns into falling snow)

Buster (nasal voice): "Jingle bells, jingle bells,"

Babs (nasal voice): "Stop goofin' around, Buster!"

Buster (nasal voice): "Sorry."

(The snow dissappears and a white line moves from the left side of the screen to the right, then forms the outline of Buster's head, whose lips even move as he talks)

Buster (nasal voice): "For the next six minutes, you are about to take part in an Acme Cable adventure."

Grossanne

(The sketch begins with a very obsese Babs dressed like Rosanne Connor as she shuts the refrigerator door and carries a plate of food. The camera focuses on her as she walks closer to it, pausing briefly as the text, GROSSANNE appears onscreen. The audience cheers, and the camera cuts to the next scene, where Babs sets walks to the table, and a very obese Buster, dressed like Dan Connor walks to her)

Buster: "Morning, Grossie. Boy, did I sleep well."

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster's backside as Babs talks to Buster)

Babs: "No kiddin'. You snored so loud, the neighbors called and complained about the drag racing."

(The audience laughs. The camera cuts to a view of the table, with Buster and Babs on each side. Babs sets the food down on the table)

Buster: "Makin' a buffet for the bowling team?"

Babs: "No, it's my breakfast."

(The table collapses and the audience laughs. Babs begins eating the food)

Buster: "Well, what about me?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Buster, with scraps of food flying past him)

Buster: "Don't I get to eat anything?"

(The camera cuts back to the view of the collapsed table as Babs finishes the food)

Babs: "I'll let you like the plate when I'm finished."

(Babs hands Buster the plate, then the camera cuts to a close-up of Buster)

Buster: "Uh, no thanks. I gotta be at work in an hour."

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster and Babs)

Buster: "How bout' a kiss before I go?"

Babs: "Well, all right."

(Babs tosses the plate aside, and the two bunnies prepare to kiss, but their body fat pushes them, flinging them across the room. The camera cuts to a view of Babs, who is dazed with flags and baseballs spinning above her head, then to a close-up view of her)

Babs (singing): "Oh, say, can you see..."

(The camera cuts to a view of the cupboard above her, which collapses and falls on top of her. The camera then cuts back to Babs, whose head is inside the cupboard as it opens. Next to her head is a tin of cookies, which falls over and spills cookies onto her shirt. Babs then scoops up the cookies and eats them)

Bungle Boy Jeans Commercial

(The sketch begins with Babs, dressed in a blue dress and blue ear ribbons, walking down the red carpet from a hotel canopy. She moves in closer to the camera, which then cuts to an opposing view as Buster is standing next to a lit streetlight. The camera cuts to a close-up of him and Babs as she walks up to him)

Babs: "Taxi!"

(Buster and Babs briefly look at each other. A taxi shows up and stops right in front of them. Babs boards the taxi, which drives away and leaves behind a trail of exhaust, which causes Buster to cough, and his coughing fit moves him across the screen. The camera then cuts to the taxi and focuses on it as it drives across the city, then cuts to a view of the runway of an airport, focusing on a plane as it takes off into the air. The camera then cuts to an overhead view of the plane, then to a side view, moving towards Babs' window. A light bulb suddenly appears besides Babs)

Babs: "Wait a second!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of the plane, which screeches, then turns around. The camera focuses on it as it flies back to the airport, then cuts to a view of the city as the taxi drives Babs down the road. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view of Buster, who continues coughing, then the taxi shows up and stops in front of him. He stops coughing, then the camera cuts to a side view of the taxi, where Babs looks out the window at Buster)

Babs: "Excuse me, are those Bungle Boy jeans you're wearing?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Buster)

Buster: "I'm not wearing any pants."

(The camera moves down to reveal that Buster is indeed, not wearing any pants. It then cuts back to the side view of the taxi)

Babs: "That's what I thought."

(Babs sits back down as the taxi drives away, once again, leaving a trail of exhaust that causes Buster to have a coughing fit. The Bungle Boy Jeans logo appears onscreen, and the background fades to purple, then then entire sketch fades to black)

The Gogosby Show

(The text, THE GOGOSBY SHOW appears onscreen. Gogo then appears from the right side of the screen and pushes the text away. He then uscrews his head, catches it, holds it up to the camera, and squeezes it, with his eyes bugging out. He then puts his head back on his body as he spins around. He stops spinning, facing the opposite direction, then turns around and dances, ending up getting his legs tied together. His frustration causes pressure to build up in the umbrella on top of his head, which explodes, and the text, THE GOGOSBY SHOW appears back onscreen. Stars rain down upon it, and the screen fades to black. It then fades to the next scene, where Gogo, who plays Cliff, is reading a newspaper called the GOGO GAZETTE, which even has his picture on the front cover)

Gogo Clone #1/Theo: "Dad!"

(Gogo lowers the newspaper and turns his head to the right side of the screen. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as he gets off the couch, and one of his clones, who plays his son, Theo, runs down the stairs)

Gogo Clone #1/Theo: "Dad! Dad!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Theo as he continues running down the stairs)

Gogo Clone #1/Theo: "Can I borrow the car?"

(The camera cuts to a view of Gogo as his clone runs up to him)

Gogo/Cliff: "Heh. Sure, Theo, my main man. And take an Acme Pudding Bar for your date."

(Gogo reaches offscreen and pulls out a bunch of Acme Pudding Bars, which he hands over to Theo. He then kicks Theo, who flies offscreen, then walks to the left side of the screen. The camera cuts to a view of the front door, which another of Gogo's clones, who plays his wife, Claire, enters)

Gogo Clone #2/Claire : "Cliff?"

(The camera cuts to a view of Gogo sitting on the couch as walks up to him)

Gogo Clone #2/Claire: "I believe our children are all growing up."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Gogo and Claire)

Gogo/Cliff: "Well, Claire, seems to me, you see, the thing is..."

(The camera cuts back to the zoomed-out view)

Gogo/Cliff: "We need more kids!"

(Gogo pulls a phone out of his robe and dials it)

Gogo/Cliff: "Hello, central casting?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Gogo)

Gogo/Cliff: "Send over a new cute daughter for my show. Thanks, Bye-bye." (To the viewers) "Gotta keep this TV show, goin', don't you know, cause my movie career's in the dumpster."

(Gogo then looks over to the left side of the screen. The camera cuts to a view of the fireplace, where yet another of Gogo's clones, who plays the new daughter, falls down. The camera focuses on her as she jumps to the couch)

Gogo Clone #3/New Daughter: "Mommy, Daddy,"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Gogo and the New Daughter)

Gogo Clone #3/New Daughter: "Your new, cute little daughter is here!"

Gogo (laughs): "So you are."

(Gogo reaches offscreen and pulls out an Acme Pudding Bar, which he sticks in the New Daughter's mouth)

Gogo: "Have a pudding bar, darling."

(Gogo hugs his new daughter and Claire hugs him. The audience "Awww"s)

Incredible Discoveries

(The sketch begins with the Incredible Discoveries logo, then fades to a background of expensive treasures. Buster appears onscreen, dressed in a tuxedo)

Buster: "Welcome, friends, to Incredible Discoveries that happen to be for sale!"

(The audience cheers as the camera moves towards the stage, where Buster is standing in the middle of a spotlight)

Buster: "I'm Mike Sleazy! What have you got for us today, Jean?"

(The camera moves over to Babs, who is standing next to the audience, with the two front rows consisting entirely of the main and recurring characters from Tiny Toon Adventures, and the rest consisting of humans. Buster walks up to Babs)

Babs (with an english accent): "Well, Mike, it's something so super, so fabulous, that you at home should just start ordering it even before I tell you what it is!"

(The toons in the audience cheer. The camera then cuts to a close-up of Buster)

Buster: "Sounds super and fabulous!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs)

Babs: "It is, Mike, it is!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Babs pulls out a clothesline)

Babs: "A solar-powered clothes dryer!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the toons in the audience, who cheer. The camera then cuts to a view of Babs as she walks into an outdoor background, with several clotheslines hanging. The camera focuses on her as she walks to a washing machine on the left side)

Babs: "To operate this clothes dryer, you need a huge, hydroelectric power plant!"

(The camera cuts back to the toons in the audience, who boo. It then cuts back to Babs, who holds a clothesline above her head)

Babs: "But this solar-powered clothes dryer scientifically transforms sunlight into drying power that's absolutely free!"

(The camera cuts back to the toons in the audience, who at first, stare with angry expressions on their faces, which later turn into expressions of approval. They then cheer. The camera cuts to a view of a table with a tied-up clothesline on it as Buster walks up to it)

Buster: "Golly gee, Jean, this discovery is so super and fabulous, it's too bad we can't all own it!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Babs)

Babs: "Well, Mike, there's good news and bad news."

(The camera zooms out as Babs picks up the tied-up clothesline)

Babs: "The bad news is that this one's not for sale."

(The audience "Awww"s as Babs drops the clothesline)

Babs: "But the good news is,"

(The camera moves over to a door, which opens, revealing 462 million tied-up clotheslines, then closes)

Babs: "The other 462 million are!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of the studio, with silhouettes of the audience as they cheer, then it cuts to a view of Buster and Babs as Babs picks up the clothesline)

Buster: "Well, how much is this super and fabulous discovery gonna cost us?"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view)

Babs: "Well, normally, Mike, this discovery which is fabulous and super..."

(The camera moves to a sign that says, '$99.99, and CALL NOW blinking below it)

Babs: "Would cost $99.99."

(The camera zooms out as Buster and Babs walk up to the sign, which now says, $9.99)

Babs: "But I'm going to let them go at only $9.99."

(Buster nods his head in disapproval as the audience boos. The camera then cuts to a view of the booing toons in the audience. The camera cuts to Buster and Babs as Babs sits on the table)

Buster: "Can't you do any better than that?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs as she picks up the clothesline and two nails)

Babs: "How bout' the clothes dryer and some solid steel fasteners?"

(The camera cuts back to the zoomed-out view, revealing Buster has a nervous look on his face)

Babs: "And I'll do it all for only $6.99!"

(The camera cuts to the toons in the audience, who continue booing. The camera moves to the right side of the screen, revealing that Hamton is stripping a chicken of its feathers and Furrball is stirring a batch of tar, with several bags of feathers below him. The camera cuts back to Babs as she gets off the table angrily. As she talks, she tosses the clothesline, the nails, and a pair of scissors)

Babs: "All right, the dryer, the fasteners, the customizer..."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs as she pulls out three clothespins)

Babs: "And the geniune wood attachers for $3.99!"

(The audience continues booing as the camera zooms in on Babs, who turns red with anger. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view as Babs walks away, then briefly to a close-up of Buster. Babs returns with a wagon of cans of peanut butter)

Babs: "All right."

(Babs tosses the clothesline, nails, scissors, clothespins onto the table as the camera zooms out on her)

Babs: "The dryer, the fasteners, the customizer, the attachers,"

(Two trees fall, with the table in between them)

Babs: "A tree to hang it from,"

(Babs dumps the wagon of peanut butter onto the table)

Babs: "15 year supply of peanut butter, a private airplane,"

(The airplane falls on Babs. The camera cuts to an overhead view of the studio as a split-level house falls on top of the airplane)

Babs: "And a split level house!"

(Babs opens the doors of the house)

Babs: "All for only $1.99!"

(The audience continues booing. The camera then cuts to a close-up of Babs)

Babs: "All right, all right. I'll even throw in..."

(Babs walks offscreen, then the camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of the studio as a door above the house opens)

Babs: "The sun!"

(The audience cheers. Buster and Babs run out of the studio as the sun burns the audience. The screen fades to white, then the camera zooms out, revealing that Buster and Babs have been watching the events on TV. They have now taken the forms of anthropomorphic potatoes (not unlike that of Mr. Potato Head), while still having their clothes and rabbit ears. The camera cuts to an opposing view of them as they jump on the couch)

Babs: "You know, my flu is completely gone! I feel great!"

Buster: "Me too! I guess all we couch potatoes needed was a little time in front of the old tube-a-riffic!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of them as Babs reaches offscreen and pulls out a dish of sour cream)

Babs: "Sour cream?"

Buster: "Please."

(Buster takes the spoon out of the dish and eats the sour cream with it. He then reaches offscreen and pulls out a jear of chives)

Buster: "Chives?"

Babs: "Naturally."

(Buster opens the jar and pours the chives onto Babs' tongue. They then toss the dish and the jar aside and stand ndext to each other, waving good-bye to the viewers)

Buster: "So long, speedsters!"

(The episode irises out on them, and the credits roll)

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